


In Rose Shades and Harsh Waves

by killyourstarlings



Category: Chilling Adventures of Sabrina (TV 2018)
Genre: Angst, Baking, Bickering, Birthday, Cuddling & Snuggling, Embarrassment, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, F/F, Family, Fluff, Hair, Hurt/Comfort, Injury, Kissing, Late Night Conversations, Lazy Mornings, Lilith experiences disturbed sleep and we all know it, Lilith is very cold and grumpy but Zelda makes it better, Meditation, Nightmares, Post-Caligari Spell (Chilling Adventures of Sabrina), Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Sisters, Snow, Sort Of, Winter, Zelda actually has a healthy coping mechanism for once, Zelda loves Lilith and it scares her, also lilith wants to go dancing she's such a sweetheart, hilda is a good sister and zelda is learning to be kinder, will update these tags as I go
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-09-05
Updated: 2019-11-11
Packaged: 2020-10-10 06:04:20
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 6
Words: 15,014
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20523170
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/killyourstarlings/pseuds/killyourstarlings
Summary: "In rose shadesAnd harsh wavesI think back on those days, and...No, I don't want to."A collection of Lilith/Zelda oneshots -- fluff, angst, and possibly smut incoming.  Be warned!  Protect your teeth!





	1. A Spoonful of Sugar in a Bucket of Ice

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lilith and Zelda make snow cream.

* * *

_ A spoonful of sugar in a bucket of ice — _

_ Only you make a punch to the face sound nice. _

\- “Bust,” an original song.

* * *

“I really am sorry.”

Oh, how Lilith disliked that. Boots clattered to the floor.

“No, you’re not,” Lilith rebuked under her breath, stalking over the doormat. She pinched at her gloves and tugged. “I can tell you’re not.”

Her voice trembled with her chattering teeth and shaky hands; she let out a big sniffle for emphasis. A grumpy look landed over her shoulder, revealing poor cheeks frozen pink and a brow furrowed to hell and back — and it was difficult to argue with her when she was _ this cute _, but Zelda fought through it.

“I _ am _, love,” Zelda insisted, and tacked on a pet name for luck. Stroking a hand over Lilith’s puffy sleeve, she drew back icy droplets and frowned over Lilith. “I didn’t think you’d get that cold.”

Her eyes were equally ice-blue where they met Zelda’s. She swiped the frost off her sleeve, in Zelda’s direction, all a huff. Zelda had to stifle a chuckle, biting her lip to brittle…

“Lilith, please-”

Lilith swiftly ducked her incoming embrace, pulling herself halfway out of her coat, a hurricane of grumpiness. Shocked, Zelda stood statue with arms extended — and she couldn’t fight a giggle at poor Lilith’s expense. Lilith scowled.

“You’re laughing at me!”

“I’m not!” Zelda lied through giggles, and took her coat. She blindly hung it up behind her — it fell, but she ignored that, because in an instant she was halfway wrapped around Lilith, chin coming to rest on Lilith’s jumping shoulder. Lilith went sunken ship into her, though her head wouldn’t turn.

“You are. I know that voice,” Lilith grumbled through shuddering breaths, bundled up in herself but melting into Zelda’s arms. Looking down at her little pink toes, she added furiously, “I love that voice.”

Zelda hummed at that, deep in her ears. “This voice?”

A weak noise escaped Lilith, at either the timbre of Zelda’s voice or the icy gloves reaching Lilith’s skin. Zelda kissed her flushed-frozen cheek, burned her with warmth so that when she drew back, rose had gone red.

“I love _ you _,” Zelda decided, with one more loud kiss — and she patted Lilith’s shoulders, nudged her off down the hallway. “I swear I do.”

“You have a funny way of showing it.” Lilith’s voice echoed as she headed away, Zelda smirking behind. “Sending me out to my death…”

Zelda collected the bowl of snow, their bounty, from the floor. Up she went, and dusted herself off, smiled to herself at the sound of Lilith trudging into the kitchen.

“I’m sorry, darling,” Zelda called after her, genuinely, and followed after her. Rounding the doorway, she found Lilith pulling out a barstool, slumping into her seat.

And she did look miserable, poor thing. Her nose ran against every attempt to stop it; she was huddled at the knees on the barstool, hair curling wildly out of the braid Zelda had made for her — frizzing around her blushing face and sucked-red lips. Zelda was silent for a moment, to observe her; and only Lilith’s shuddered breathing, and faint squeals of a Spellman snowball fight outside, could be heard.

White light crossed over them from the window as Zelda approached, set the bowl on the counter and scooted it aside. She reached instead for Lilith’s chilled hands, printed with the wrinkle of her gloves, and ignored the sting of cold shooting up her arms as she drew them up for a kiss… one and another, and another on the other, and a fourth for good measure…

“Truly,” Zelda whispered, blinked through the morning brightness. “I won’t drag you out again.”

Lilith’s grouchy demeanor wavered under Zelda’s affection, as it often did — she was helpless to Zelda’s kiss, to her mumbles, to her gaze, and Zelda appreciated that. She saved many days this way, and neither of them seemed to mind.

“Thank you,” Lilith said, blush darkening, edge dulled in her voice.

“But it’ll all have been worth it,” Zelda offered, and released her hands — plucked the bowl up from the counter with a bounce for emphasis, “once you’ve had a taste of this. I promise.”

“We’ll see.” Lilith watched Zelda cross the kitchen; she stretched up to peek over the refrigerator door where Zelda went deep-diving for milk. “I’ve never tried it before, you know.”

The door slung shut. Zelda slid the milk onto the counter. “Snow cream?”

“Snow.”

Inching up for the cabinet, Zelda stopped — glanced over her shoulder at Lilith, who was bashful in her skin and tugging at her sleeves. “Really?”

Lilith’s head bobbed; she scooted closer to the counter. “I’ve only really bothered with the stuff a few times. I usually keep away — another country, another realm, until it blows over…”

Opaque milk splashed into glistening snow and flecked over the sides of the bowl. Zelda studied the pattern, sighed as she listened to Lilith’s voice trailing off. She could listen to her talk for hours, if Lilith were half-vain enough to do so.

Sneaking a peek over her shoulder, Zelda asked in a hush, “You were never curious?”

Lilith made a little huff at that. “I don’t usually eat things I find on the ground, Zelda. I was never _ that _curious.”

Zelda couldn’t help a chuckle at that, and Lilith laughed, too, an airy but distinguishable thing. It was nice to hear her laughing again, maybe the first time today — always so miserable during the colder days of winter, but Zelda was willing to weather it, no problem. These small moments — when she snagged a look over and Lilith, spring soul, was smiling again and warming the room — made it all worth it.

“I’ve always thought it was beautiful,” Lilith admitted over the shouts just out the window; and she stared, there, out that window with a dreamy glaze in her eyes. “To watch, at least. Just too cold for me.”

Zelda knew that from experience. She’d seen Lilith on colder nights, doubled over in pain — crying from the cold, shaking in Zelda’s arms late at night. Perhaps it was demonkind (perhaps it was just Lilith) but winter was her enemy, and it broke her down at every odd moment. Zelda would pay a great deal never to see her in that kind of pain again; so she stocked Lilith up in coats and scarves and gloves until she could barely breathe, and ignored her complaints.

A hand landed on the counter beside her and Zelda nearly leapt from her thoughts. Lilith hopped up on the counter, hair whipping back over her shoulder to reveal eyes set on Zelda — dreamy, analytical, yet soft.

“You looked lovely in the snow,” Lilith admitted, voice lower than the wind against the walls and the crunch of a wooden spoon through thick snow. “Almost like you belonged in it.”

Zelda grinned, gone fuller to beaming as she watched Lilith’s legs swing against the cabinets. “Stop.”

“Puts a little color in your cheeks,” Lilith continued affectionately, swaying on her hands. She leaned over to catch Zelda’s eye — almost dragged her hair through the snow, but Zelda tugged the bowl out of the way. “You know, I think we’ve finally found something paler than you, my love.”

“All right, very funny-”

A lighthearted shove and Lilith was scooted along the counter, giggling to herself; she shoved Zelda back and Zelda chuckled. One tap of the cool tip of her spoon and Lilith _ jolted _away, though, sending Zelda a look of scolding that tickled her pink.

“_ Mean _.”

“You were mean first,” Zelda protested, brows raised. She knocked a bit more vanilla into the bowl. “You should apologize.”

Lilith’s eyes swept over her. “Mm, I should…”

All at once, caught by the elbow, Zelda was pulled away from her work; and she went willingly, until she arrived between Lilith’s open knees (virtually home by now). They landed nose-to-nose, Lilith tilted down from on high, and Zelda grinned into her grin. Her head nodded, permission, and she waited for Lilith to move.

Leaning in, Lilith was accepted with open arms — hands planted on either side of Lilith, trapping her in place, though Lilith hardly seemed to mind. She buried a still-cold forehead against Zelda’s, nudged her forward with her frozen nose — faked a bite, teeth clicking together with a hint of a chatter. Zelda huffed a laugh under her breath, inched closer and narrowed her eyes impatiently, parted her lips…

Lilith went in for the kill, and Zelda surrendered to her chapped lips. Lilith brushed a kiss over Zelda, and Zelda heard angels, or something equally celestial; heat spread through both of them, combating the nip of the air outside and filling their bones with buzzing. Zelda drew her in closer, aiming to warm her every corner, to bat back the chill she’d allowed to invade her Lilith — a creature of fire and earth and brimstone and bruises, never meant to be cold, never meant to be lonely.

A moan rumbled somewhere between them, and that victory resonated through Zelda’s whole being. Zelda beamed and pushed against the cabinets until her hips went flush with Lilith’s. There, Lilith tossed her legs around Zelda’s waist, surrounding her with flooding warmth, and Zelda had to catch her balance as Lilith squeezed her closer — hands cupping Zelda’s cheeks in soft strokes, pressurizing the kiss, sucking at her lip as if to zap the life force from her, and Zelda didn’t even give a damn…

Footsteps clambered up the porch steps. When Zelda cracked an eye open, she spotted Sabrina’s coat and Roz’s shoulder trudging up to the front door, and she forced herself to break the kiss. She felt a bit gutted at the sudden cold air on her lips, the absence of Lilith’s mouth to hide away inside…

“What’s-”

The front door opened, and Lilith, oblivious as she tended to become in a liplock, lit up with realization. Her legs drew to a close, creating distance between her and Zelda to their mutual chagrin. With a deep sigh, Zelda brushed Lilith’s loose bangs aside.

“Ready for a taste?” Zelda asked, licking her lips.

Lilith’s eyebrow popped suggestively. “You have no idea.”

A dark grin threatened Zelda’s face, but she pushed it down to a smirk and batted her lashes at Lilith. She reached over to collect the bowl — reached far, too, because Lilith wouldn’t let her out of their embrace — and set it in Lilith’s lap.

“It may need more salt,” Zelda warned, and collected some snow on her spoon. Lilith went slightly cross-eyed as she studied the spoonful before her, coming closer. “Give it a chance.”

Her request was well-received; Lilith’s twirled-up expression morphed to something more optimistic, even if falsely so. She leaned in and closed her candy-apple lips around the spoon, cringing slightly at the cold but mustering through that initial discomfort, if only for Zelda’s sake. Zelda bit her tongue.

Lilith raised her eyebrows. Zelda echoed.

“Mm…”

That was the sound Zelda liked to hear, though usually not in the kitchen — sometimes, but not usually.

“That’s _ delicious _,” Lilith announced, another one Zelda enjoyed. She snatched the spoon from Zelda and chopped it into the snow, peering down into the bowl. “I love it.”

Zelda smiled, tossed Lilith’s braid back over her shoulder and tucked a curl away. Lilith peeked up at her while licking her lips, and it was almost too much to bear; Zelda had to smile.

“See?” she said, and cleared her throat. “A little sugar, a little vanilla, and something miserable becomes… pleasant.”

“Mm. You’re a genius,” Lilith murmured through a full mouth, and reached for Zelda’s chin. She drew her in for a cold kiss, let Zelda taste some leftover vanilla off her tongue — and Zelda moaned, the sensation of Lilith and the taste of sugar mixing to make a marvelous experience…

And Zelda could tell her that snow cream wasn’t her invention — that it was a mortal treat, and that she’s no genius at all.

Lilith groaned at her lip and shoved the bowl aside so she could open her legs, inviting Zelda deeper again. Zelda found her comfortable place between Lilith’s knees, hands sliding down to cup her ass and snug her closer…

_ Maybe later. _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So this is just a dumping ground for all the oneshots I've written/planned that couldn't stand on their own. I hope you guys get some enjoyment from them! Let me know if you want more :)


	2. If You Hold Me Without Hurting Me

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The Spellmans celebrate Lilith's first birthday.

* * *

_ There’s things I wanna say to you _

_ But I’ll just let you live… _

_ (Like if you hold me without hurting me _

_ You’ll be the first who ever did.) _

\- “Cinnamon Girl” by Lana Del Rey.

* * *

So far, Lilith’s first birthday was a smashing success.

Little could match the look of surprise and upset on Zelda’s face — and Lilith had certainly tested her before now — when Lilith answered the question, “When’s your birthday?” Lilith ran down the whole song and dance, of changing calendars and societal shifts and how by the time birthdays were invented, Lilith had entirely forgotten her own. But Zelda refused the fact, _ insisted _that Lilith choose a date for a formal, regular celebration as was tradition of both mortal and witchkind. So Lilith selected a date as far away as possible and put it out of her mind for the foreseeable future.

The foreseeable future did come to pass, though, and as the day grew nearer, Lilith buzzed with dread. She tempted Zelda in a myriad ways to call the whole thing off, to no avail. Lilith had never offered herself so vigorously, so mercilessly, as she did the day prior her “birthday.”

“How’s that?” asked Ambrose through gritted teeth, a glance over his shoulder. He turned the pinata toward Zelda’s scrutinizing eye.

“Higher,” she commanded, with a sweeping bite of red velvet.

When asked how she would like to celebrate, Lilith had spare little to offer in the vein of ideas. Leisure time, much less a day entirely dedicated to her enjoyment, was a foreign concept. Zelda had neared tears of frustration over the planning, while Hilda slaved over the oven for Zelda’s concept of a perfect cake; so Sabrina took charge and lined up a day full of mortal activities, an introduction to the birthday tradition. Zelda instead worked to advocate for Lilith’s peace of mind on this special day — no noisemakers, no birthday spankings, and _ very _restricted blindfolding.

This was perhaps the most stressful event of the day, though Lilith took care not to show her strain. Her fork shook against her plate where she stood just a moment away from the pinata, and from Hilda, who wrapped the blindfold, and from Ambrose, as he finished hanging the candy-stuffed, glitter-smattered paper mache.

“That’s high enough — right there!”

Zelda’s voice rang a tad shrill from across the room, but to be fair, she held more anxiety over the day than Lilith, herself. All she desired was to cultivate a safe experience for Lilith; that was not lost on Lilith in the slightest.

Still, she sent a clandestine look down to the couch, where Sabrina, mouth full of icing, rolled her eyes.

“All right,” Hilda announced in Lilith’s periphery, and bent down to pick something up. She turned to face Lilith. “Now, the birthday girl gets to take the first-”

Swinging at her face, and Lilith _ jumped _ — a baseball bat, in Hilda’s hands and nearly smacking her clean in the nose as Hilda came to her side. Her hands flew up in defense, dropping her plate at once, to shatter at her feet with a resounding _ crash _! All fast, all sudden, all sending Lilith’s hearing ringy as her vision blurred…

The room went silent, only the sound of plate shards vibrating against the floor and Lilith’s own pulse in her ears. Hilda froze; Sabrina and Ambrose froze. Even Zelda, across the room, froze with rounding eyes.

Then, all at once, the floodgates broke.

“_ Lilith _-”

“Oh, goodness- I’m _ so _sorry, sweetheart!” Hilda popped off, cautiously lowering the bat toward a chair, other hand up in the air. “I shouldn’t have swung it like-”

“Hilda, _ what _were you thinking?” Zelda scolded, marching around the couch. “She’s three feet away from you!”

“It was an accident! I didn’t realize how close-”

Pieces of plate swirled and swayed in her lowered gaze, dazed by the rush of adrenaline and fear, and now embarrassment, heating her cheeks and burning her hands. Words bounced over her bowed head; she sank to her knees, to clean up her mess.

Her legs bore down to the hardwood, cutting into some of the smaller pieces, but that was background noise, fuzz on the edge of her sensory experience. She balanced herself with one hand, caught some glass in her pinkie and winced, but paid it little mind. Her other hand collected the largest piece — shook, causing glass to clink with each piece she took up…

“-more careful or you’ll hurt someone!”

“-understand, thank you,” Hilda complained, shoes turning to Lilith just at the corner of her vision. “Oh, Lilith, you don’t have to- I’ll get the broom-”

“Lilith, are you all right?”

The trembling worsened, sending smaller pieces cascading from her hands. She promptly plucked them up again, only to drop a few more off the edge — slip-sliding along her fingertips, little lacerations she didn’t feel yet — too numb, too shaken-

Heels clicked up next to her, and Lilith’s pace increased. A heavenly Zelda dropped down from the sky to squat cautiously over the mess; a hand ran over Lilith’s arm, tried to tug at her attention. She leaned forward as if to look Lilith in the eyes, though Lilith was hardly accommodating — unwilling to be seen like this, to be scolded, to be backhanded and gripped at the chin…

“Hilda’s getting the broom; we’ll clean it up.” Zelda’s voice melted silk in her ears, even as she grew impatient. “You’re cutting your- stop, Lilith-”

“I’ve got it.”

“-hurting yourself, come here,” Zelda muttered anyway, and gingerly plucked the shards from Lilith’s grasp, clattering to the hardwood. The rest fell anyway — Lilith trembled visibly now that she had an audience — until she had nothing to show for herself. Zelda refused to let her take up the work again, stole her hand away for inspection.

“Not too bad,” she mumbled to herself, drawing Lilith’s finger up to suck on the tiny stripe of blood. Her gaze was struck down, then, and widened to pastures. “Are you _ sitting _on-”

“I’m sorry,” finally broke through, the words stuck in Lilith’s throat ever since the room went silent. “I’m sorry, I’m-”

_ “I’ve got the broom!” _

“Shh, stop that,” Zelda said, just to Lilith — wrapped an arm around her shoulders, and lowered her voice to a rasped whisper. “Let’s get up, love. How about a walk?”

Lilith nodded, the best she could do without embarrassing herself. She followed as Zelda eased her up to her feet, ignoring the flood of new pain she recognized in her knees — refusing to look down at the damage, eyes clamped _ shut _…

“We’re going outside for a moment,” Zelda quietly informed Hilda. “Could you-”

“I’ve got it,” Hilda said in a huff; and Lilith peeked over Zelda’s shoulder to find Hilda’s concern laced over her. “Lilith, are you all right?”

Lilith could hardly respond — words wouldn’t come loose, so Zelda spoke for her.

“It’s all right. We’ll be back.”

And Lilith flinched under Zelda’s sudden hands, a touch she wasn’t prepared to receive — but she slowly relaxed into that familiar touch, the usual pads of her usual fingertips, the usual marks of her palms. Lilith took one in hers, and Zelda held it affirmatively, ignoring the blood. Lilith flashed her a weak smile, though it faded as soon as it appeared, transparently fake.

Cautiously, Lilith followed Zelda’s support as they walked around to the door together — resisted the urge to look over and catch Sabrina’s, Ambrose’s, Hilda’s worried stares after her…

Instead, she focused on Zelda’s constant, steady hand in hers, guiding her away from the chaos and out of the house.

* * *

“Thank you, Hilda.”

Zelda looked up to her as she accepted the wet washcloth, nodding her reassurance to Hilda’s nervous gaze. Heat swarmed them three from all sides, summer at its head, and poor Hilda wore layers — Zelda urged her away with a flap of her hand.

Still, Hilda wouldn’t leave. She tapped a finger to the eastern of them, grimaced as she mouthed, _ “Is she okay?” _

Hesitant to answer, Zelda turned to Lilith, huddled up beside her on the porch steps. She was cowered at the corners and silent as any scared animal, seemingly petrified to place — bleeding from the hands, the knees, the shins, just a mess. Zelda would hardly classify her “okay.”

But she waved Hilda off anyway, electing not to answer one way or another until she knew enough to say. Hilda clearly didn’t like it — resisted it with her expression, peering nervously over Lilith’s turned form…

_ “Go,” _ Zelda insisted, her gestures more violent now.

Hilda huffed anxiously, raised her hands in surrender. She turned off to leave them be, and Zelda watched her go — waited until the door was shut behind her, and they were securely and finally alone.

Heaving a deep sigh, Zelda turned to Lilith again. Her heart waned broken at the state of her — pale despite the sun, shivering in the heat, crying on her birthday. Zelda felt a swell of desire to _ fix this _, to touch her, to save the day, so she reached for her hand-

And Lilith jolted at the incoming, body shot up like pins through a doll; she looked up at Zelda with stricken eyes, and Zelda drowned in regret. She pulled her hand back, shook her head lightly.

“Sorry,” Zelda whispered, and offered her hand palm-up instead. Lilith liked this much better — relaxed a hint, and took Zelda’s hand in her bloodied own. To Zelda’s relief, Lilith allowed a turn at the wrist, revealing a dozen tiny lacerations along her fingers.

Zelda winced. “Darling, why-”

“I made a mess,” Lilith answered simply, as though this were any reason to clean up glass by hand.

Furrowing her brow, Zelda focused down on the glitter of leftover glass stuck in her pinkie — pinched at it with her fingertips. “You were scared.”

“That’s no excuse,” Lilith said, voice numb. She tensed through tendons as if to pull away, but forced herself still, let Zelda work at her wounds nonetheless. “I’ll replace the plate.”

“Can’t replace your hand. Sit still, please.”

“It hurts.”

“I know,” Zelda crooned, sent her a look of true empathy — because she was feeling every bit of this, just from watching, and from loving her. She finally tugged the glass free of her skin; Lilith hissed a breath out through her teeth. “Sorry.”

“It’s okay.”

“No, it’s not,” she argued, half for the sake of arguing and half because she was sick to death of Lilith excusing her own pain…

As she looked up, though, she softened. Lilith’s ache showed on her face — tears in ice eyes, wincing through herself, chewing through her lip. It was enough to knock the wind out of Zelda. She adjusted herself, softened her edges and restrained her frustration.

“You know,” she began in a gentler tone, running the washcloth over fresh blood. “Hilda would never hurt a fly. I yelled at her — I shouldn’t have — but not because I thought she would actually-”

“I should’ve been paying attention,” Lilith cut her off, staring down the porch steps, away from her hand. “I should’ve been prepared. I _ used _to be prepared.”

Zelda’s frown deepened. She looked up at Lilith with steel in her gaze.

“Because you used to get hit.”

Lilith raised her head at once, as if stunned by this acknowledgment. Her lips part, to agree or disagree — but all that escaped was a pained gasp as Zelda swiped the cloth over an open cut, collecting loose blood into winding patterns on the fabric. She sighed it out, hand shaking, and bit into her cheek.

“S’hard to- _ fuck _…”

“Shh…”

“It’s _ hard _ ,” she enunciated, peering down into her lap, “not to think like that anymore. I see you, and I trust _ you _, and when it’s not you, it’s…”

“I know.” Zelda nods her understanding, and brought a hand up to cover Lilith’s gently. “But you’re doing great.”

At that, Lilith puffed a laugh and nodded down toward her hand. “Am I?”

Zelda sensed the humor in her tone — but she looked at her seriously, piercing her eyes, an arrow splitting an arrow. Lilith’s smile weakened to something more doubtful, and she sighed, looking down at her hand like a mistake she’s made and not a part of her being. She took everything to fault — apologized for every move — and sacrificed her own wellbeing to rectify anything at her disposal. Zelda wished, prayed she would stop.

So Zelda drew that hand up and leaned down to press a kiss to her knuckles, long and warm, safe and away from her injuries. A whimper escaped Lilith, but nothing pained — something longing, or relieved, or both of the two at once. She watched Zelda with need in her eyes, squeezed at Zelda’s hand in hers.

Then Zelda, drawing back to rest her cheek on Lilith’s hand, looked up through her lashes and whispered, “Yes. You are.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This one wrote itself this weekend, so I figured I'd publish it early. It's an old idea that I wrote for the gals on Discord, so I figured I'd flesh it out into a full fic and publish!
> 
> Let me know if you liked, and if you wanna see more <3


	3. Still You Are Kind and See My Best

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Zelda wakes up to a bedhead Lilith and can't help her reaction.

* * *

_ You take your time, you’re never rushing _

_ You know my mind won’t let me rest _

_ But still, you are my kind and see my best _

_ And I feel real again… _

\- “Real Again,” an original song.

* * *

When Zelda rose, she rose to heaven.

Summer had come, and with it a palpable magic that sang its way through bird beaks and dragonfly wings, thrumming around the insulation. Fairies tossed yellow sunbeams through the window, and gods above and earth below, Zelda was one of their clouds — floating mid-air, swimming in the sheets, warmed tip-to-toe with Lilith.

It didn’t occur to her, at first, what had woken her. She sat in a comfortable haze; blurs wobbled at the rims of her eyes, but she had no mind to blink them away. She stared off at the wall, let it come over her, the morning.

Goosebumps spiked up over her exposed skin now, and good feeling vibrated through her bones — recognizably joy — all drawn down to the middle of her spine. There, kisses pinpricked along the bumpy bone, one-two-three, a waltz in Lilith’s spirit today…

Zelda split a smile. She arched into Lilith’s dance.

A merry bird sang its tune in repetitive chorus until fluttering off and away, just as Lilith reached the curve of Zelda’s ass. Her lips sloped up along her skin, drawing Zelda’s legs up to curl in shivers — and a pair of arms knotted around Zelda’s waist, as though she were escaping. Zelda’s lips parted to reassure her, though she slipped into moaning as Lilith’s kisses grew wet and open-mouthed, tongue peeking out to greet her skin, soft…

A deep hum through her stomach, and Zelda raised her head from the pillow.

“Is this my hint to wake up?” she asked the sheets.

“I was bored,” a muffled Lilith informed her, “waiting for you.”

“Mm, sorry to… bore you,” Zelda teased through a yawn. She reached behind to lift the covers, to steal a peek at Lilith, though she couldn’t catch anything at this angle — so she rolled over, even as Lilith’s lips chased her…

Lilith’s inevitable disappointment, however, was short-lived. She let out a groan, loud enough to break the muffle of the blankets, at the mere  _ sight  _ of what Zelda had brought to her mouth. Lips resumed their work at Zelda’s navel, charting their way down. Zelda hit a sigh.

“Get up here,” Zelda softly commanded, hand scrambling to find Lilith’s on her back. She gave it a tug. “C’mon.”

Right on cue, and just almost too low for Zelda to deny, Lilith turned her path to kiss up Zelda’s center. Zelda crumbled under the affection plucking its way along her ribcage, the wet click of kisses a melody line through silence…

Devious as she was, Lilith detoured around the sensitive underside of Zelda’s breast, and brought a moan off Zelda’s tongue. Wet silk lips slicked wet silk trailed along the swell of Zelda’s breast, circling around the side to her most ticklish of areas until Zelda had to laugh, inch away from her touch.

“ _ Please _ , love,” Zelda whined, with a pull at Lilith’s resistant hand. “I want to kiss you.”

Another sloppy kiss down, then Lilith finally started the upward crawl. Zelda buzzed with excitement, sitting up on her elbows to greet her. Lilith’s head finally popped out from under the covers, and-

Like a quick-gurgling stream, rumbling thick in her chest, Zelda’s laughter bubbled up sudden and unstoppable. And she wanted to stop it — didn’t seek to laugh at Lilith’s expense, but it was unbearably cute and impossibly sudden…

Lilith’s illuminated expression faltered, and her brow dug deep. Zelda whimpered her laughter, shook her head.

“What?” Lilith asked, insecurity flashing over her. She brushed a touch over her cheek, then the other, searching. “What are you laughing at?”

“No, Lilith…”

Lilith’s hand touched-down in her hair, there giving a squeeze to test — and her  _ eyes _ , the poor thing. Her eyes went saucer, and Zelda had to cover her mouth to hide her giggles.

Her hair was  _ just  _ a mess.

“It just-” Zelda attempted to explain, voice scraping out at a high pitch and weak under her laughter. She sniffed, worked to stop herself to no avail. “I’m not- laughing at you, darling. It just caught me off-g- _ guard _ …”

Pink at the tip of her nose and the apple of her cheeks, Lilith became instantly conscious of her puffed-up hair, stuck at all sides in a cloud of Lilith. She raked a hand through the stuff, trying to settle it down. “You’re laughing at me-”

“I’m  _ n _ -ot,” Zelda cackled, and reached to calm Lilith’s hands in her hair. She tossed the hands away, only to catch them again and toss them away, again, to stop ripping at her roots in some vain attempt to mangle this beautiful beast. Zelda, herself, gave it a fluff and a feel, voice rasping with giggles. “It’s actually- excuse me. It’s actually very-  _ cute _ -”

Zelda  _ burst _ into a fit of giggles as Lilith’s hair reached horned shapes at her fingertips, her little demon — tickled pink, much to Lilith’s frustration. Lilith’s jaw popped out, looking especially bitter, as though someone had poured salt in her veins. She tugged out of Zelda’s reach.

“No, leave it like that-” Zelda played, sitting up straight. Her gaze was bleary, but not enough to miss Lilith’s pulling away. “Wait, Lilith-”

But Lilith, thoroughly embarrassed, tumbled away from Zelda and to the edge of the bed. Zelda’s shoulders sank; she tried to tame her laughter down to spare chuckles.

“Lilith, I didn’t mean to embarrass you.”

“It’s fine,” Lilith lied over her shoulder, and pushed off the bed.

And Zelda did pause to watch her go, only because it was a lovely sight — a dandelion halo of hair atop slender shoulders and a toned back, a curved ass and soft, narrow legs… and that  _ hair _ , fuck, she loved it. She loved it with all her  _ heart _ , she loved it.

Scooting out from the bedsheets, Zelda rolled after her. Her feet fell under her to the hardwood, warmed by sunrays, and light caught up her legs as she chased after Lilith before she could escape the room. Lilith’s pace quickened to the bathroom, but Zelda cut her off at the doorway — leapt up to hug her around the neck and squeezed. Her face met with a bush of hair, and she welcomed it.

“Zelda-”

Zelda found her tiptoes. “Love me.”

“I do!” Lilith insisted, and sighed back into her.

“Love  _ on _ me,” Zelda suggested instead, and burrowed against the nape of Lilith’s neck. Her voice shriveled weak, milked for sympathy. “Please?”

Stiff shoulders softened under Zelda’s hugging arms, and everything was a little better, then.

“You laughed at my hair,” Lilith grumbled.

“I laughed  _ with _ your hair.”

“No difference!”

Chuckling into her hair, swaying with the air, Zelda held her steady and marveled as Lilith relaxed one nerve at a time, slowly sinking into her adoration. A well-planned kiss placed on Lilith’s spine, an affection returned, and Zelda leaned back to whisper in her ear.

“It’s cute, love,” Zelda murmured, drawing out the vowel, forcing her to feel it. Brushing Lilith’s hair behind her ear, she added, “It endears you to me.”

And though she was turned away, Zelda could swear she sensed a darkening in her presence, as if a steel rod had collapsed down her center and left her bent and bereft. Her voice came ground like coffee: “It’s humiliating.”

That statement stole something visceral from Zelda, and refused to give it back — peace of mind, perhaps, or every ounce of her empathy. Zelda missed it, swiftly and dearly.

So, and with hands cautious not to startle her, Zelda took her by the elbows and guided her to turn. Lilith reluctantly moved, revealing an expression of withdrawal, a body shaped away from Zelda. Nothing wiped the grin off Zelda’s face so easily.

“Lilith,” she began — and she stroked a hand over Lilith’s cheek, careful to avoid her hair. She softened a smile, weak for Lilith. “You’re the Queen of Hell — a force of nature. Nothing could humiliate you.”

Lilith hummed a breath, gaze lowering to Zelda’s collarbone. “That’s optimistic, Zelda, but you have no idea what humiliation I’ve…”

Her voice wandered off down its trail, and Zelda wanted to grab at its coattails, bring it back — didn’t want to see the light go from her eyes and the strength from her frame. Zelda became a frown.

With a deep sigh, Zelda caught a hand under Lilith’s chin and tilted it up, to meet her eyes. Fringes of hair dangled down into her eyes, but Zelda swept them away, tucked them aside with love…

She kissed her, and Lilith melted like hard candy — slowly, then all gone, a sticky mess of affection. Lilith burned against her lips, her blush running all through her skin, and Zelda welcomed the heat; she kissed the embarrassment right off her and filled her with love instead, and esteem, and worship unparalleled by man. She made a mountain out of Lilith’s lips, and climbed as long as she was allowed.

Finally, Zelda did force herself away, to recover her breath. Lilith’s forehead drooped against hers, hair tickling Zelda’s shoulders, the mess of it all — Zelda’s magnificent, beautiful mess…

“Perfection,” Zelda decided aloud, and twirled some of Lilith’s hair around her finger. “You are incorruptible.”

If Lilith were red before, she was scarlet bruised now. She screwed her eyes shut against a grin, cheekbones high as the sky, lips deliciously wet — adorable, unbearably adorable in her every freckled movement, so that Zelda could hardly bear it, so that she was tempted to look away. But Zelda took care never to look away, even so; if she did, she’d miss moments like these, buried hidden in everyday life...

Truly — in Zelda’s eyes, the woman was incorruptible, indestructible, invincible.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just something small to sweeten up your week :) Inspired by Michelle's instagram post: https://www.instagram.com/p/BzG8Q98lF_2/?utm_source=ig_web_copy_link
> 
> Let me know what you thought/if you want more <3


	4. Consumed All My Hours (Filled My Lungs Up With Flowers)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lilith convinces Zelda to go dancing, and Zelda's not quite sure how she does it.

* * *

_ You were a beautiful distraction _

_ Gave reality my absence _

_ Consumed all my hours _

_ Filled my lungs up with flowers… _

\- “Bad Dream” by Vancouver Sleep Clinic.

* * *

Lilith was a mastermind at stealing attention.

At the moment most unexpected, or whenever she might fancy it, she swept in and demanded Zelda’s eyes, ears, mind — in the morning, summoning Zelda back to bed without a spell spoken; the midday, giving her a casual call at work, to fill Zelda with butterflies and promptly vanish; and at bedtime, dancing into the den and wrapping herself around Zelda, until whatever Zelda had been doing was no more urgent than the need to slump into Lilith’s arms and off to bed. It was disastrous, the power of her suggestion.

Even now, moments before Lilith’s entrance, Zelda had been comfortably seated in her paper and unkeen on moving her focus. Then, over the edge of the inky print, enter Lilith.

She glided into the room on featherlight feet, hair a mess of curls bouncing with every step, tossing over the silk of that deep-green robe that always sent Zelda’s mouth watering. Her eyes sparkled blue in morning sunbeams, squinted, sensitive. She spotted Hilda first.

“Good morning…”

“Good morning!”

“-morning,” Zelda mumbled in her daze, blinking away her dumbfounded stare. Swallowing a dreamy sigh, she turned her attention to her paper, scanning to find her place again…

Meanwhile, the more juvenile playpen in her mind preoccupied itself with questions of whether Lilith was looking at her — or worse, whether her robe rode up the way it did, offering that dangerous peek up the back of her legs. The thoughts turned printed words to bubbles and they popped before Zelda could get a good read on them, hopelessly distracted-

Lips pressed to her temple, then, a firm reminder of last night’s adventures. Zelda’s eyes sighed shut, soaking up the kiss — fighting the urge to turn her head and make poor Hilda very uncomfortable,  _ very  _ quickly. Instead, she accepted Lilith’s kiss, and mourned inside when she left.

(Though, Lilith did pause to send down a mischievous smile before she went. Zelda’s throat turned suddenly dry.)

“Tea, dear?”

“Well, I- y- _ es,  _ thank you,” Lilith sent over to Hilda, in pieces — then, to Zelda, a look of pride. She’d been struggling to accept hospitality from Hilda in particular — to trust Hilda’s generous spirit as genuine, for a long while now. “How did you sleep?”

“Me?” bounced back — Hilda, too, always surprised by Lilith’s kindness. This resulted in an awkward two-man-show of surprise returning surprise, distrust returning gifts or cookies “just because.” Zelda kept her nose behind her paper.

“Yes, you.”

“Oh. I slept well, thank you for asking,” Hilda sang, and collected a teacup for Lilith. “And yourself?”

Lilith thudded down next to Zelda, chair squeaking beneath her. A big yawn escaped before the words, “Fine. I had the strangest dream, though — I don’t think a soul could make sense of it.”

“Mm, try me.” Hilda dipped the teapot down — glanced back over her shoulder and caught Zelda’s eye, sharing a look of amusement.

Then it occurred to Zelda that she was no longer reading her damned paper! She furrowed her brow, and set her jaw, and started all over.

_ Let’s see… _

“So, I’m back at Baxter High…”

Now, on her daily traverse, she stopped a few places along the paper — Sports being the latest, but she’d read it all today. Before that, mortal Politics, and she only viewed this out of morbid curiosity, like watching a car crash on the side of the road but not being directly affected. Next was…

“-antelope starts  _ talking  _ to me! So not to be rude, I start talking to back-”

…Entertainment, somewhere in there, and what the hell was Lilith talking about? Her voice cowered with investment, but without the shudder, the throatiness of a nightmare — perhaps she hinted at some symbolism, but Zelda couldn’t just start listening  _ now _ …

But she did look so cute, just now, twisting up to accept the tea from Hilda, her cute ass hiking up out of the chair. Over her shoulder, Hilda surely caught Zelda ogling, but Zelda didn’t mind — stole her look, and made it good, before refocusing on her reading.

“And then he looks me dead in the eye,” Lilith spun her yarn, turning back in her seat. She spooned eagerly at her tea, up and down, hypnotic. “And he says, ‘You speak for the weak as though you aren’t one of their number.’”

“Oh, my…”

“Pass the sugar, love?” Lilith said, now to Zelda, who peered up as though she hadn’t been dropping eaves on this whole conversation. Her hand was on the move, reflexively collecting the sugar without a second thought — passing it over to Lilith. “And then he starts throwing everything-bagels at me! Which is strange, because I don’t even know what’s on an everything-bagel.”

“Everything,” Zelda retorted, squinting over the written word — and Lilith looked up from her sugar-stirring to send Zelda a withering stare.

Clicking the lid back on the sugar, Lilith crooned, “And how was your sleep, Miss Clever? Fewer antelope, I hope.”

“It was fine,” she answered honestly, and ducked her head back behind her paper. Gods above, she wasn’t trying to have a conversation — not this early in the day. Where was she?

_ Entertainment _ . Something downtown, something barely interesting enough to keep circling back for it…

Eyes rested on her — she could feel them making their rounds — so that even if Zelda wanted to focus on the words ahead (which she didn’t, really, but she wanted to  _ want  _ to focus), she wasn’t allowed. Lilith gave her those eyes — those big blue puppy-dog eyes that even in her periphery, broke down each of Zelda’s defenses. She considered popping her paper up to hide those eyes, until Lilith slumped over the table in disappointment. Zelda’s heart throbbed.

“Pay attention to me,” Lilith whined sleepily, cheek puffed up against her fist. Zelda glanced up. “Please?”

One wobbly word and Zelda was doomed. She sighed at her own weakness, folding her paper and setting it aside. Her disappointment in herself couldn’t last long, however; Lilith reached across the table for Zelda’s hands and took them, one by one, in her own. And she was warm with sleep, and tea, and it rendered Zelda completely helpless.

“Would you want to go out tonight?” Lilith asked in that sultry voice — just her normal voice, but it was always so silky-smooth that Zelda felt tempted. Toward what, she couldn’t say, but certainly tempted to something.

“Yes,” Zelda agreed, entranced, even though she wanted to say “no.” She had plans tonight, actually, though they didn’t occur to her until after she’d agreed to it. But those  _ eyes  _ — Zelda couldn’t say no to those eyes, peering into her very soul, asking for something simple and nice. She just wanted a night with Zelda. Who was she to deny her?

And now, to make matters worse, Lilith’s legs tangled with Zelda’s under the table — and she played with her, back and forth, running her foot up Zelda’s calf and teasing her around. Zelda had to bite her lip, blush running streaky over her face. A glance over Lilith’s shoulder showed Hilda busily washing the teapot, paying them a purposeful no mind.

“W-what did you have in mind?” Zelda asked, disguising the stutter, trying not to sound as flustered as she felt. Lilith waned shy, down at their hands, occupied.

“Well…” Clearing her throat, Lilith peeked up into her eyes, arresting her at once. “I’ve never… I’ve never been dancing, and I heard about an event downtown…”

_ Fuck _ . Zelda had been reading about that damned event.

“You’ve never been dancing?” Hilda caught that detail from the far corner, with a hint of pity in her voice. Lilith didn’t seem fond of that — her expression fell, embarrassed, to the woodgrain of the table.

Zelda swelled angry.

“Hilda, this is a private conversation,” she shot over a bit sharply — and Lilith noticed, and started to shrivel. So Zelda softened at her edges, hastily, and squeezed her hand for comfort. In a quieter voice, she reiterated, “You want to go dancing?”

“We don’t have to,” Lilith assured her, struggling to meet her gaze, “but if you wanted to go…”

“Yes,” Zelda said with her mouth more than her mind. Zelda, herself, wasn’t keen on dancing in public, eyes on them as they often were. She was hardly embarrassed to be affectionate with Lilith — but in a room full of young, heterosexual couples, the two of them did tend to stick out red.

But Lilith asked, and Zelda couldn’t refuse her.

“Really?” Lilith asked, an excited lilt in her tone. Her spine shot up straight in her seat. “You want to go with me?”

Zelda huffed a laugh. “Yes. Let’s go, tonight.”

“I… all right.” Lilith couldn’t bury the slow-creeping smile on her face, breaking her words into songs and her eyes into crinkles. “All right! Yes! Okay. We’re going dancing.”

“We’re going dancing.”

“We’re- okay,” Lilith attempted to meter herself, hands up in apology. Still, she dove up out of her seat and across, hands on the table — kissed Zelda firmly on the mouth, lips warm and wet from tea and sucking. Zelda burned up from head to toe, fairy lights in her skin, a tongue in her mouth and teasing her to hell and back. Two hands caught her at the cheeks and Lilith kissed her,  _ hard _ …

If only for the sake of Hilda’s cleared throat, they did part. Lilith hesitantly drew back, though she left an extra, soft kiss for good measure. She pulled away, biting at her smile, beaming down like the sun.

“I already know what I’m going to wear,” Lilith informed her with a pointed finger, and shoved away from the table. She marched away and out of the kitchen, voice rumbling with excitement. “Let me show you…”

Bare footsteps bounded down the hall and then up the stairs, and Zelda chuckled after her, her enthusiasm infectious. Zelda, herself, had no idea what she would wear, but she imagined Lilith would help figure it out…

“Wow.”

That was Hilda. Zelda lifted her head, disturbed.

“What?”

“Nothing,” Hilda lied, turning away from the sink. She leaned back on the counter, flattened a palm toward Zelda. “I’ve just never heard you so… agreeable.”

Zelda’s eyebrows bounced. “Excuse me?”

“And to  _ dancing _ , no less?” she enunciated, a grin on her face. “She’s got her spell on you, that’s for sure.”

Turning away, Hilda set to wiping down the counter. Though the conversation came to its natural end, the words sat unhappy with Zelda, heavy in her chest. She wiped away her dumbfounded expression, replaced it with a grimace.

“Why don’t you mind your own demon lover, thank you?”

* * *

The past several hours had not been kind to Zelda.

Neither of two shoes had made it onto her dangling feet, swung back and forth in pendulum before her eyes, as though she were trying to fly away. It was dreamy to watch, light humming floating over to her ears, ominously melodic and terrifically captivating — like a horror film just before its climax, the slow opening of a door to peer at the beast behind…

Some truly rotten ideas had settled in Zelda’s mind, and she couldn’t quite shake them.

_ “She’s got her spell on you, that’s for sure.” _

Lilith flitted around the room like a butterfly, landing at one place here and running a hand through her hair — landing someplace there and reapplying her lipstick. And  _ fuck  _ that lipstick, slow-coating her lips with a pop, shining in the dim-lit mirror until they turned to face Zelda and curled up in a smile. Zelda’s heart pounded at the sight, thudded in her ears and grappled in her veins.

This wasn’t how it felt, before. She kept telling herself that.

“Love?”

Zelda jumped to instant attention, to find Lilith watching her with curiosity, blinking expectantly, but innocently. That innocence painted her too harmless in Zelda’s eyes — a small animal, a helpless child, and not a powerful witch capable of any number of things…

“Yes?” Zelda asked, dutiful, hands folded in her lap to disguise their fidgeting.

A sort of grimace on her face, Lilith reached awkwardly behind her back. “Would you be able to zip me up?”

Zelda blinked her realization — blushed a hint, sure she’d watched Lilith struggle with her dress for minutes now. She nodded her head, without thinking, and motioned for Lilith to approach. “C’mere.”

And though she put on a smile, in the back of her mind rested the nagging question:  _ Did I mean to say yes? _

A shy grin melted over Lilith as she hobbled on her one found shoe, over to the bed. Zelda reached up in anticipation, waited for Lilith to turn her back.

_ Could I have said no, if I really wanted? When was the last time I said no? _

Turned, Lilith revealed her unzipped dress to Zelda — and her thoughts came to a squealing halt. A long, freckled back appeared in all its tone and tan, sending Zelda’s lips bitten and eyes fluttering; she had to fight the impulse to lean in and kiss down the column of her spine, its ridges and its scars…

_ Focus. Why can’t you focus? _

Rising to her feet, Zelda stepped into her shoes, rendered herself a good bit taller than lopsided Lilith — and that was endearing, somehow. Locked on the task at hand, Zelda nipped the zipper and drew it up, slowly, over Lilith’s exposed back. The tips of her fingers brushed against Lilith’s skin, and she had to catch a breath, force herself not to linger.

“Mm…”

Of fucking course, Lilith let out a low rumble of a hum and sent shivers up Zelda’s arms. The woman could make a trip to the post office erotic, and Zelda fell for it at a marvelous rate.

_ Is this normal? What was normal, before? _

Zelda layered an absentminded kiss to the nape of Lilith’s neck, eyes pinned off over her shoulder. Another rumbly noise out of Lilith and she leaned back into Zelda’s touch, and Zelda welcomed it with open arms, almost dragged her back closer…

_ It feels easy. _

Headfirst and lazily, shoulder around, Lilith turned at the heel to face Zelda — to peer up at her through her butterfly lashes. Hair dangled in her face, caught on her lip as she scraped at it, looking Zelda over.

“Kiss me?”

She asked; she always asked, and it drove Zelda insane for her. She raked at her pretty little lip and clawed her own wrist and asked, and waited patiently, as though Zelda had a bone in her body prepared to say no. She could never say no to Lilith.

Zelda swooped in to save the day — kissed Lilith to bitterness, sucking at her like candy. Her tongue played at the base of her lip and Lilith moaned a deep moan, as if it were all she could stand; she took Zelda by the chin and held her there for a longer taste, for certainty. Zelda’s smile warmed… then faded.

_ What if I can’t say no? _

The thought occurred to her like a ping-pong ball bouncing off a wall, light and sudden and swiftly gone away again. But like a bouncing ball was prone to do, it returned, just a few moments later — on a kiss, on a whim, circling her like prey…

_ I can’t say no. _

A hand reached up under the hem of her skirt and Zelda felt suddenly too warm, too close. She sighed anxiously into Lilith’s mouth, kissed her anyway — sank into her gravity and keened when Lilith’s hand found her cunt…

Her brow bounced, and Lilith did the pulling back, to Zelda’s relief. She burrowed her forehead against Zelda’s and opened her eyes, batting her lashes. A hand cupped Zelda, when she’d found her completely bare under her dress.

“Did you do that for me?”

_ I don’t know _ . She didn’t even remember the thought process behind it. That’s how easy it was.

Before the contact, Zelda moaned as Lilith leaned in to kiss at her ear, that way that rendered her insatiable, incomprehensible. Her lips found Zelda’s earlobe and her tongue made a runaround, so devilishly warm, a fever coursing through her entire body-

And she bit down, and Zelda hissed out a breath, blowing in spurts now as she involuntarily rocked her hips against Lilith’s hand — seduced, thoroughly seduced with nothing about it. A finger played over her clit and Zelda  _ jumped  _ at the faint pressure, bucked into her palm, wet now, so easily wet…

Lilith groaned in Zelda’s ear and her whole body shot up to attention, and all that ran through her mind was  _ yes, yes, yes.  _ There was no power to say “no.” There was no right. She wasn’t able anymore, and she had half a mind to give into that…

Then a hot breath came against Zelda’s ear as Lilith whispered, “Do you want to postpone the dancing?”

Zelda’s eyes fluttered open, dazed and heavy. She swallowed hard, wanted to say… didn’t know what she wanted to say, or if she was able…

“But you…” she began, pausing for a breath, “wanted to go dancing.”

_ Just say no. You’re strong enough. You were always strong enough; you just  _ ** _didn’t_ ** _ , because… _

“What do  _ you  _ want?” Lilith asked in that silken voice…

_ Because you were a coward. Because you wanted what he gave you. And you want this. _

“Zelda?”

“I don’t know what I want, Lilith,” Zelda burst out, ripped from her throat as though something were holding it back. “I want- you to stop  _ touching  _ me-”

She batted Lilith’s hand away from her clit, away from everything — away from the mud and the sweat and the contact clouding her judgment, making her weak, she was  _ weak _ -

“ _ Zelda _ -”

Zelda spun away from her to hide the tears fast swimming to her eyes; she covered her face and locked in the heat of her breath. Her legs carried her, marched aimlessly away from Lilith’s touch until she settled on the edge of the bed, and slumped down. Familiar Latin guided her tongue and filled her lungs, as she muttered a quiet spell, careful not to let Lilith-

“Zelda?”

-Lilith, Lilith, Lilith, every day it was Lilith. Every moment was consideration for Lilith, or missing Lilith, or thinking about Lilith. Was it all she thought about? How long had it been this way?

“What did I do?”

How long had she been under? How did she communicate to Hilda? Where was her mirror?

“Zelda,  _ tell me _ ,” came her voice, gentle and airy, music to Zelda’s aching ears. “I won’t do it again. I’m sorry-”

Her cleansing spell grew louder over Lilith’s words, to the point that Lilith heard, certainly. She spoke with authority though her hands shook over her face, blocking out Lilith’s voice, Lilith’s face — too tempting, too powerful, part of her spell…

“Zelda!”

_ No,  _ she thought, fought the urge to open her eyes and reassure a terrified Lilith.  _ No, no, no… _

Then Lilith was on her, prying Zelda’s hands away from her eyes and forcing her to look, “Look at me!”

“ _ No! _ ” Zelda shouted, choked on the word. Her gaze locked on Lilith’s bullet-wide eyes, spotted the fear, the guilt in her sinking brow — and the word, it tasted salty in her mouth, but it was there nonetheless.

She could say it.

“N-no,” she stammered in a weaker tone, her gaze falling to Lilith’s collar. “No. I can say…”

Her voice wandered off, but not fast enough to stop the bleeding. Lilith looked smacked across the face, damaged by the realization, and her voice came sharp.

“Of  _ course _ , you can say ‘no!’” Lilith’s fear melted to anger, trembling from head to toe as her hands framed her face. “What did you- did you think I’d put a spell on you? That you have to  _ cleanse  _ yourself of something? Is that what that was?”

Zelda swallowed the lump in her throat. “Lilith-”

“I’d never do that to you!” she almost cried, a hand to her chest, in clear distress. “I’m not a monster. I’m not a  _ man _ ; I’m not Faus-”

The word died in her throat, settled into the air with the sting of old wine. Only after it hit Zelda did it seem to hit Lilith, too, what she’d said — and they both wished she hadn’t said it. Zelda lowered her head to her hands, rubbed over her screwed-shut eyes.

“I’m sorry.”

“No, I’m sorry,” insisted Lilith, swelling with regret and sinking to the bed beside her. “It’s not your fault. That’s… not your fault.”

“I just- I didn’t want to go dancing tonight,” Zelda admitted, and cringed at the sound. Up to Lilith, meeting her eyes with guilt-laced gaze, she added, “But you asked, and you looked at me, and I just… said ‘yes.’ And it scared me.”

_ And I love you more than I know how to do,  _ she almost added, stuck in her throat.  _ And it terrifies me, how often I think of you. And I’m losing control. _

Lilith’s gaze softened unbearable on Zelda. “Oh, Zelda-”

“I’m sorry-”

“If I made you think...” Lilith began, shaking her head. “I’ m so sorry-”

“You didn’t,” Zelda assured her. “It’s not… something you do. It’s your eyes, and your… smile. It’s your voice when you talk to me, and the thought of seeing you upset, and it’s all just…  _ impossible _ .”

Lilith’s brow furrowed, and she started to smile — fought to stop herself, as though she would do it again. Zelda huffed a chuckle.

“It’s okay. You can smile.”

“I don’t mean to do it,” Lilith mumbled, and cocked her head at Zelda. “I mean, sometimes I do, but mostly I don’t.”

“I know," Zelda said. "It’s not your fault.”

“But darling, you have to find a way to say ‘no’ to me,  _ please _ ,” Lilith practically begged, hands antsy in her lap as though she wanted to reach for her. She leaned on the bed instead. “All the time — whenever you feel like it. Say ‘no’ until I get sick of it, and then keep saying it. Promise me.”

Zelda’s heart sank with relief, like a popped balloon in her center. She offered a weak smile.

“No.”

Taut shoulders sinking, Lilith split into a grin. “There you are.”

And she went to set a hand on Zelda’s knee, but she stopped herself — hovered mid-air, as though she’d been told to do so. She peeked up at Zelda nervously.

“Can I… touch you?” she asked in the weakest of voices, undeniable to Zelda, even without a spell.

So Zelda reached an arm out in beckoning, and Lilith lit up like a holiday. She swiftly sidled into Zelda’s embrace.

Kicking off her shoe, Lilith brought her bare legs up to cuddle next to Zelda, and Zelda happily let her hand run over the skin there. Lilith brought Zelda’s head to rest on her shoulder, nuzzled comfortably in her warmth; her arms snuggled Zelda closer, hand stroking up and down over her shoulder. Zelda’s eyes drifted shut as they sat there for a moment, easy and free…

And Zelda basked in the ease of it — knew that it was supposed to be easy, even if that scared her. She knew that she was safe (even if he was still there in her mind). She knew that Lilith knew what it was to be used, and that she would never put such a condition on Zelda. And she sighed, punctured by guilt for shouting at her, for frightening her.

“We will go dancing, sometime,” Zelda reassured her, staring down at the floor. Their feet dangled together, tangled together, and Zelda wore a soft grin. “It’s just…”

“Yes?” Lilith asked at the length of her pause, looked up at her cheek. “Tell me.”

Zelda knew she shouldn’t — knew it would only upset her. But she answered, anyway, because Lilith asked.

“The Patriots play tonight, and I really don’t want to miss it.”

A beat passed. Lilith’s hand absentmindedly played at Zelda’s fingers, until they slowed to a stop.

“Gods, football?” Lilith realized, and unwrapped herself from Zelda. She gazed up at Zelda with eyes full of betrayal. “You’re blowing me off for  _ football _ ?”

“It’s the first game of the season!”

“Unbelievable,” Lilith muttered, half-playful and half-serious. She stood up from the bed, tossed her hair back. “I’ve changed my mind. You can’t say ‘no’ to me anymore because my ideas are better.”

“Lilith!”

“ _ Football! _ ”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This one has also been on the books for a while, so I finally decided to write it out and see how it turned out. And I'm happy with the result! Took a while thanks to mental health but 'tis finally done :]
> 
> Let me know what you thought/if you want more <3


	5. Like A River, Falling For You

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Zelda and Hilda share a cup of tea and discuss Zelda's newfound happiness.

* * *

_ Like a river, falling for you, _

_ I don’t want to come home. _

_ Like a feather, floating, floating, _

_ I don’t want to come down. _

\- “Again” by Moira & Claire.

* * *

Simply put, she was a vision.

Sleep wore her well as she rose and fell, shoulders like tides and cheekbone cutting into the point of Zelda’s shoulder. Fluffy brown hair waterfalled over Zelda’s chest, curtaining a sideways view of her eyelashes starfished against her cheeks — so sleepy, so knocked-over exhausted. On the edge of Zelda’s knees dangled a pair of bare legs, body totally limp and strewn across her lap; and when Zelda craned her neck, she caught sight of the atoms parting Lilith’s lips, to let in light little whispers of air…

Zelda wasn’t proud of this — she wasn’t ashamed, per se, but she wasn’t proud — but she spent cumulative hours of her life watching Lilith sleep. It activated something inside her, some peaceful core to her being, always resting beneath cloudy skies. It reminded her to breathe deeper, slower, to be gentler with herself; it made her want to be a kinder person, to herself and to others.

Still, she held a knee-jerk reaction there, along the way, to be unkind — to hollow herself out, make room to take everything personally and age anger like wine. Time-old instincts nearly kicked into action when, over the outline of bouncing mountain curls and a fierce nose, pajama-clad Hilda appeared with two cups of tea and a mouth poised to speak.

“ _ Shh- _ ”

“I know, I know,” Hilda whispered, head bobbing over two pillars of steam. Her pajamas tickled over the hardwood floor as she approached the couch, and paused to look over the two of them — Zelda by no choice relaxed under her sleeping partner, arms cuddled around her frame to keep her from sliding this way and that. Hilda smiled from her heart.

“Don’t look at us like that,” Zelda rebuked under her breath, careful not to break up Lilith’s weighted slumber.

“Like what?”

A hint of a blush burned in her cheeks; Zelda lowered both chin and voice. “Like we’re puppies.”

And, wearing a wan smile to sicken Zelda, Hilda leaned down to hand Zelda her cup of tea. She brought her tone down to chocolate and replied, “Then don’t act like puppies.”

Eyes narrowed to almonds, Zelda gritted to accept the beverage, steam rising off the rim of the teacup and fogging her vision. She shifted awkwardly under Lilith, cautious, a flash of a vision of dumping hot tea on her head — and the idea of hurting her put a pang in Zelda’s heart. She took care to steady her hand.

“So…” Hilda began in a sing-song voice as she settled down into her chair. She smirked suggestively — as suggestive as Hilda could be. “How was your date?”

“It wasn’t a date,” Zelda murmured into the echo of her cup.

Hilda huffed. “Your evening. How was your evening?”

Brows bouncing over the rim, Zelda finished off her sip and eased the teacup to the end table. “Our  _ evening  _ was nice. I taught Lilith a few card games — she’d never played with anyone else before.”

“Aw…” Hilda sank a frown, peeked down over Lilith between them as if investigating an injured deer or a crying child. “Never? She’s thousands of years old!”

“ _ Hilda _ .”

“She is!” she insisted, with no regard for how insensitive this was — though she did recognize her volume and came down to more of a whisper. “She is.”

Zelda moved her scowl off Hilda and onto Lilith, where it dwindled into affection as she brushed Lilith’s hair out of her eyelashes. “She knew a couple. Blackjack. Solitaire.”

“Aww-”

“ _ Stop  _ pitying her,” Zelda cut her off, and the ferocity in her voice brought Lilith jolting up to a point in her sleep. Her head turned deeper into Zelda’s shoulder, and Zelda’s chest caved; she swallowed, fighting the urge to lean down and kiss Lilith’s head. Hilda’s palpable gaze on them was discouragement enough.

With a deep sigh, Zelda lifted her head again, found Hilda studying her own hands. An itch settled at Zelda’s core, waiting for her to react — for some sort of vindication for her harshness, but nothing came. She only felt worse for watching.

“I’m sorry,” Zelda said around a lilt, the words foreign to her — when it came to Hilda, at least. She averted her eyes, but not in time to miss the way Hilda’s lit up with surprise.

A swallow and a small noise, like trying to start up a word, then Hilda replied hollowly, “That’s all right. Thank you.”

“Anyway,” Zelda redirected, and cleared her throat. Her hand stroked mindlessly through Lilith’s hair, top to bottom, grazing her head with errant touch. “She strained her eyes eventually, so we stopped early and just-”

“She still won’t go to the-”

“-back and relaxed- no, no.” Zelda’s eyes rounded at her, a hint of frustration breaking through at the question. “No matter what I tell her, she won’t go. doesn’t want anyone touching her eyes.”

Hilda’s brow wrinkled. “They won’t touch her eyes.”

“You try telling her that!” Zelda complained in whispers, exasperated. Her irritation did waver, however, when she noticed the twitch of Lilith’s nose in the corner of her eye — stopped to watch it, for just a moment, and accidentally let her expression go soft. She sighed. “Gives her headaches constantly, but she won’t listen to me. And after all the grief she gives me with my reading glasses, honestly…”

Her voice trailed off, then, as she noticed Hilda’s face shifting again — returning to that puppy-place that made Zelda taste her own stomach, and roll her eyes skyward. Heat spread up through her neck at the mere sight of it.

“What?”

“You’re making that face again,” Zelda regarded patiently, trying not to lash out from embarrassment. “We’re not children, Hilda. These faces aren’t appropriate.”

“I’m  _ sorry _ ,” Hilda droned, with a long sip of her tea. She swallowed it down and shrugged her shoulders. “It’s just…”

She didn’t follow up this statement. Zelda nodded. “Yes?”

Down with her cup and Hilda wore a serious grin, eyes locked on Zelda. She leaned forward in her seat to reply, “I’m proud of you.”

That took Zelda aback. She brought her brow to its depth. “Proud of me?”

“Mhm,” Hilda shot back, nodding her head. Her hand settled on Zelda’s knee, a dangerous test of Zelda’s willpower. “You’ve  _ changed _ .”

Zelda took slight offense. “You wanted me to change?”

“Well…” Her eyes wandered off somewhere beyond Zelda’s ear; eyes screwed shut, she shook her head. “Anyway. The point is, I’m proud of you, for how you are with… her.”

She gestured down toward Lilith, whose hands now curled loosely around Zelda’s arm, holding herself steady. Zelda swallowed at the sight of her, so beautiful it damaged her, so deeply adorable that Zelda could hardly breathe sometimes…

“You’ve opened up,” Hilda said, and gave Zelda’s knee a shake.

“Mm, like a wound,” Zelda remarked.

“Like a lover,” corrected Hilda, who removed her hand from Zelda just in time to avoid an unhappy fate. Gaze sweeping over Zelda, she leaned back in her chair and added, “I never thought I’d see the day.”

And though Zelda resented this analysis of herself, Lilith shifted just in time to keep Zelda from arguing — to draw their attention, watching as Lilith’s hands tightened around Zelda’s arm and sent a twinge of love up her spine. Zelda’s expression melted before she could hide it, honey through her veins, dragging sweet. The darling thing could knock her sideways with just a small motion, a light cling to her bicep, a nuzzle into her shoulder.

“She gives me no choice,” Zelda mumbled, and ran a soothing hand over Lilith’s arching back. “I look at her and it drags everything out of me — she… breaks my heart.”

She looked up at Hilda with agony in her eyes, a deep breath held as she waited for Hilda to give some sort of answer, some kind of solution to this problem. Instead, she grinned.

“That’s love.”

“It’s torture,” Zelda said with a huff, reaching for her tea with the hand not tangled in Lilith’s hair. Before her sip, still, she added over to Hilda, “But I wouldn’t trade it.”

She inhaled her tea and pretended not to notice Hilda’s absolute melt at this statement — hand on her chest, until Zelda spotted her and then she moved it away, and relaxed her puppy-eyes into something more… mature, more respectful. Zelda twitched mimicry of a smile.

“I’m happy for you,” Hilda said in a square of honestly Zelda hadn’t expected, barreling into Zelda’s spirit. A sip of tea and she cleared her throat. “For both of you. You’re… suited.”

And in the spirit of vulnerability, and the lateness of the hour, Zelda confessed through a yawn, “I’m glad you think so, Hilda.”

The statement may have meant something to Hilda, from the light in her eyes and the slow-spreading smile across her face. But she more seemed to notice the yawn, as she set her teacup down on its saucer and turned back to face them. She patted her lap.

“Well,” she said in a sigh, starting up to her feet. “I’m sure you two are ready to be left alone, now.”

Zelda had half a heart to tell her she didn’t mind her company, but she wasn’t  _ that  _ vulnerable tonight.

So instead she watched as Hilda was up and at ‘em, collecting the blanket from the back of her chair. She approached with caution — tossed the blanket gently over Lilith, covering about half of her right away, adjusting it to cover the other half. Thoughtful Hilda, as always, tapped Zelda’s knee before she went.

“Don’t stay up too late, all right?”

“Yes, I know, Hilda,” Zelda rattled off.

Hilda made a face at her tone before turning to leave — but not before adding over her shoulder, “And no funny business on the couch.”

Zelda’s eyes darkened; she huffed mischievously. “Well, no promises.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wasn't sure this chapter was gonna make it out this week, due to depression hitting like a truck -- but I'm coming out of it now and I got some words down. I hope y'all enjoyed this little moment between Zelda, Hilda, and Lilith :)


	6. Tore My Shirt to Stop You Bleeding

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Zelda helps Lilith through a nightmare, and teaches her a coping mechanism.

* * *

_ Don’t you know I’m no good for you? _

_ I’ve learned to lose, you can’t afford to. _

_ Tore my shirt to stop you bleeding… _

\- “When the Party’s Over” by Billie Eilish.

* * *

If Zelda had ever been invested in the existence of a loving god, Lilith’s nightmares would have convinced her to the contrary.

They’d born it down to a few times a week, by some grace, that Lilith would wrench apart from a dead sleep at the hands of a wretched dream. Zelda would feel her jolt awake, out of her arms and across the bed — to sweat over the side of the mattress, to melt out of the sheets, and rarely, to empty her stomach. If the light came on, she’d ease down to shivers, goosebumps along her skin no matter how Zelda held her…

Some nights, she’d tell Zelda about them; some nights, she hadn’t the courage. Whatever the circumstance, Zelda was at her side and prepared to see the night through.

Parts of this had become routine by now. Any noise in the night and Zelda reached for the light; in fact, though Lilith would die to have it known, they’d purchased a faint night-light for the bathroom, just to give Lilith some kind of anchor to reality when she rolled out of a horror. Now a light sleeper, Zelda had taken to wrapping herself around Lilith so that when she did wake, Zelda would wake with her. First priority was to never leave Lilith alone with her mind too long, on any given evening.

Zelda hadn’t been prepared, however, for nails in her back.

She woke with a start, dull pain ringing up her spine and growing sharp as she inched nearer to waking — in her dreams, knives, stabbing her in the back. Only once she opened her eyes did the imagery fade into indigo night and Lilith’s hair, tossed up into her field of vision. The dim bathroom light did little to illuminate anything, as Zelda blinked herself awake, and the fuzz into stillness, crinkling…

Then the pain struck again, and she winced in recoil.

Daggers — ten tiny daggers sliced down her back, and in the haze of sleep, she really couldn’t imagine them to be anything else — scraping at her, clinging to her, curling in on her — not like knives, like nails, pinkies curved at the edges just like Lilith’s…

It took all her power to resist the striking urge to pull away, then, and only because it was Lilith — only because Lilith was clung to her for death and shaking from head to toe, Zelda noticed now, and breathing as though she were running and suffocating in Zelda’s chest. She didn’t pull away, but gritted her teeth; she leaned into the pain as she scrambled for what to do.

“Lilith?”

Lilith sobbed, and Zelda knew she was still asleep — knew she wouldn’t dare let out such a pitiful sound in her waking life. She sobbed and it cut through Zelda, resonated in her chest and broke her at the ribs. Grimacing against the pang in her heart, Zelda carefully lifted an arm.

“Lilith-”

The movement only frightened Lilith, and she grasped harder at Zelda, nails digging into her back and sending a  _ sharp  _ stinging sensation up to the back of her head; and Zelda bit down on her lip, remembered not to move. Instead, she raised her voice to a gritty whisper and tried again.

“Lilith,” Zelda mumbled in her ear, drawing out a shudder as she roused string by string. “Lilith, wake up. It’s a dream.”

A gasp jumped out of Lilith, all she could manage to do as she fought her way out of sleep; and Zelda’s stomach twisted at the sound. Careful, she glided a slow hand up Lilith’s form, along her dips and curves until finding a handful of her hair. She stroked her fingers through it, silken love, and worked around tangles so as not to upset her, even as she panted for labored breaths…

“Oh, Lilith,” Zelda whispered, gutted, cut from the base of her stomach. Lilith shook in her embrace, ear trembling under her lips. “Oh, sweetheart. It’s all right. Breathe-”

Lilith played catch-and-release with her breaths, barely absorbing them, in and out against her sternum. Her voice started to crack with each inhale, too fast,  _ way  _ too fast-

“There you go- Lilith? Lilith, slow down-”

“Can’t-” Lilith managed, completely awake now but still lost in the haze of sleep, dangerously close to hyperventilating, “breathe- I-I can’t-”

“You can,” Zelda encouraged her, furiously trying to pull all the hair out of her face so she could breathe freer. With her free hand, she reached back blindly to flip the lamp on — tried to turn to peek, but Lilith caught a gasping panic at the mere implication of Zelda’s leaving, so she stayed put. “You can breathe, just…”

Light poured and puddled over the bedroom, illuminating everything from the sweat-soaked sheets to the tear-stained face of her lover, her partner in everything — and Zelda’s fist closed in Lilith’s hair, gentle but tense, angry that this was happening to her…

“Breathe for me, love,” Zelda tried again, growing desperate as Lilith’s breathing intensified. Cupping Lilith’s face in her hand, she thumbed at tear-tracks and sniffed. “In and out, okay? In-”

“No, you don’t-” Lilith inhaled and swallowed the breath down to her core, exhaled gutturally. Her hands and gaze scrambled over Zelda for purchase, but nothing seemed to stabilize her. “I just- I can’t-”

“Look at me.” Zelda’s voice was made stony, steady in a river, as she directed Lilith by the cheekbones and connected eyes. Her lips twitched in softening. “In?”

Lilith’s eyes flashed with fear, but she bit down on her lip and forced a breath in.

“And out.”

Lilith exhaled a shuddering breath, chest easing down to the mattress, head softening in Zelda’s hands. Swelling with pride, Zelda smiled into her eyes.

“Again. In…” she guided in a smooth tone, rubbing gently at Lilith’s sticky cheeks in an effort to bring her closer to reality. “And out.”

Lilith hissed a breath out in a small ‘o’, brows hinting at relaxation, gaze locked on Zelda and unwavering. She started her own breath in, committed, and Zelda huffed out her relief.

“Come here,” Zelda mumbled, needy, hungry to be closer to her. She drew Lilith in to her chest and Lilith sank against her like gelatin, impossible not to cuddle now. Staring up at the wall, Zelda caught her own breath and sighed. “Gods, how I love you. You’re safe. You’re all right. You’re with me.”

Tears tickled Zelda’s neck, twisted and wrung her heart out to dry. Lilith worked hard at her own breathing, audibly struggling to keep herself steady — sniffling and sighing, then trying to build up her deeper breaths again. Zelda moved absently through Lilith’s hair, humming her comfort as Lilith slowed to a dull roar…

“Let’s get out of bed,” Zelda decided, and turned to kiss her cheek. “Hm?”

Lilith nodded fervently.

* * *

She’d certainly done her damage.

Ten angry scarlet marks raced down a pale canvas like some shit abstract, soaring through a galaxy of freckles, piercing the jelly. They’d been smeared of their blood, something hastily done — a rush to aid, a selfless act. She dried now, and scarred, too, and Lilith could taste her own guilt (metallic in her mouth, that occasional thing that everyone gets — lick a stamp and you’ll know it).

_ Tsk, tsk,  _ went the spoon in the cup, the central sound in the night, spare maybe the hushed crackle of the fire. Lilith was accustomed to the burn, and to the silence, too, of impending punishment. She knew the bucket was empty, the fist open, but she still recoiled when Zelda’s arm moved — only to take a sip of her tea, and not to beat Lilith senseless, but the fear was full-born. She still fought a brace. She still said a prayer.

Striking matches with her fingertips, over the scab lines, Lilith sighed. “I’m so sorry-”

“Lilith.”

“I can’t, I can’t not be,” Lilith fired back, before Zelda could tell her not to apologize, because she should, and she should, and she should. “You shouldn’t even sleep with me, if I’m this much of a hazard.”

“Now, stop that.” Teacup to glass, Zelda’s shoulder strained away from her — and Lilith almost reached for her, only for Zelda to turn her way. Her expression was painstaking, patient, and easy, like looking down on Mother Earth in all her blamelessness. “Nothing could rip me away. You know that.”

She did know, and it made her miserable.  _ Leave me _ , she had half a mind to beg.  _ Leave me, leave me, leave me. _

“Kiss me,” combated Zelda, ever the tonic to her thought. A finger patted to her lower lip, guidance, and Lilith’s sleepy eyes drifted to watch it pitter-patter. “Please?”

Lilith gave a heavy nod, and melted into her mouth.

Not one to bite the hand that fed her, Lilith didn’t complain at the initial discomfort — her neck craned this way and that, Zelda a measure too far for access — but her hand did subconsciously cling to Zelda’s knee for reassurance. Her breaths still hung heavy in her chest, shallow and thready; her body still wept for sleep, for closeness, and Zelda could only give her so much. Her teeth scraped at Zelda’s lips, an anxious habit —  _ leave me, don’t leave me, don’t leave… _

The curtains attempted to draw on their moment, but Lilith’s hand tightened on Zelda’s thigh and tugged, pulled her closer. She chased after Zelda’s mouth, hunter-bound, and whimpered when Zelda did again withdraw, as if she didn’t want her, as if she would leave, as if-  _ fuck _ , sleep, she needed sleep, and quiet, and some remedy to the loneliness and the cling and the clawing, again, for every vestige of comfort-

She slipped away, forehead stamped to Lilith’s, and opened her eyes. Lilith watched in agony, awaiting a sign, a cue.  _ Tell me how to let this go. Tell me how to find peace. _

“Now,” Zelda said in a puff of air, tickling Lilith’s mouth. Green and marvelous eyes peered between both of Lilith’s, and it reminded her to breathe, again. “Let’s try this.”

Zelda took her by the hands, then — situated herself more finely to Lilith’s direction, and sighed her exhaustion, poor thing. But she maintained her eased demeanor, and gave Lilith a squeeze, to  _ breathe _ , to breathe. She meant to breathe, usually. It didn’t come naturally, but she meant it.

“Are you ready?”

“Barely,” Lilith admitted, shaking at the fingertips. Lamplight and firelight and the glow off Zelda provided her with plenty to read by, plenty safety to close her eyes — and she did feel safe, despite all odds, despite the imagery dancing at her every blink. Zelda held her steady, and she felt immeasurably safe. “Yes.”

A smile arrested Zelda’s features, brought them to their natural conclusion. “All right. Now, I want you to keep your eyes on me at first, okay?”

Lilith let slip an absent nod — easy enough, on her eyes and her spirit, to keep watch of Zelda. She looked to her in all things, and who was to stop her, now?

“Good,” Zelda decided, and lifted one of Lilith’s hands — guided the palm to Lilith’s diaphragm, held it neatly in place, covered to the fingertips. “Feel right here? Try to breathe here, all right?”

Another nod, as if she’d lost control of the muscle, and Lilith drew breath. She pinpointed the motion to her diaphragm, deemed the rising and falling as uncomfortable as simple breathing could be; her brow furrowed. “That’s strange.”

“It’s okay. Just follow me,” Zelda commanded in that quiet cashmere, just enough honey to coat Lilith’s defenses, reduce them to sandcastle ruins. She started at an inhale, deep through her nose. “In…”

Gritting her teeth, Lilith kept her hand tight to her center as she pulled in air. Zelda’s thumb stroked over her knuckles.

“And out.” Zelda exhaled, and Lilith followed behind, world roaring in her ears. “In… and all the way out. How does that feel?”

“Difficult,” Lilith admitted, “but good.”

Zelda’s smile deepened, pressing into her face, this kind-eyed sheen over her. Drawing Lilith’s hand back to her knee, she gave it a pinch. “Good. Now, let’s both close our eyes…”

That, however, brought Lilith to a full stop — the deterrent in its usual sense. She shook her head, vehemently. “ _ No _ , I don’t… not both of us. No.”

Her sharpness brought Zelda aback a moment, and Lilith wished to take it back, replace it with something buttery and tame. She held her breath, waited for Zelda to speak — to admonish her for her cowardice, now, as she leaned in to hiss something edged…

“Then I’ll keep watch over you,” Zelda said instead, a light shrug of her shoulders, a roll off her back. She was unwavering, the lighthouse to her sea, and Lilith hurt with needing her.

“Thank you,” she whispered.

“Of course,” Zelda said, naturally, comfortably. “Now, can you close your eyes for me?”

The world went dark.

Lilith did, on occasion, close her eyes — mostly to sleep, and only as exhaustion hammered its nails to her limbs, and she could fight it no longer. She’d even meditated before, to astral project, perhaps to penetrate the frothy surface of a dream. But she’d never done just this — silence, and darkness, just for the sake of it. It was a quiet kind of horror.

“All right,” came Zelda’s voice, the reassurance she held. “You can let that breathing go, now, and anything else in your mind. Slim it down to nothing.”

Lilith made a point of never doing this, but for Zelda, she gave it a shot.

“Try to make it quiet, and just listen with your ears. Listen to the fireplace.”

Brow furrowed, Lilith quieted down to the rumble of the fireplace, and tried to think only about this…

Popcorn, in the distance, made a decent comparison. Low mumbles and sticks breaking and the puff of smoke, floating up the chimney, filled her ears — some of it imagined, no doubt, but certainly popcorn, and crinkling plastic, and snapping fingers, and a clock ticking down the hall…

“Do you hear the clock ticking?”

“Funny, I just noticed that,” Lilith remarked, a smile on her cheeks. It was remarkable, how little she heard when her mind was preoccupied — how much she missed in her environment, what with the fireplace and the grandfather clock, and Zelda’s breathing, and the low ringing in her ears, and Satan’s voice burning in her throat…

_ Lilith _ …

No, that wasn’t really there. That was imagined, or recalled — a flash of gritty brown hair before her eyes, hooves at her teeth, the familiar stance. He wasn’t there, but he was, every time she closed her eyes; he stood over her as judge and executioner, ringing her bell and stamping her number to the wall…

“What is it?”

Lilith swallowed back against the acid in her throat. “Nothing. What’s next?”

Zelda was quiet for a moment, and in that moment, Lilith died a thousand deaths. She waited for her instruction, next, to distract her from the misery behind her lids.

“Now,” she came, truly, and swept away the sin. One hand escaped from Lilith’s, but the other stood true. “Let the sounds play on in the background, and try to bring your attention elsewhere. Try to bring it to the top of your head.”

No sooner were the words spoken than did a palm land atop Lilith’s head, gentle and silly. Lilith huffed out a nervous laugh, shook her head under Zelda’s hand — pressed her lashes to her cheeks and beamed. “Zelda!”

“Shh, top of your head,” Zelda reminded her, much closer now. “What do you feel?”

“Your hand!”

“What else?” Stroking her hair lightly, Zelda shifted in the couch cushions. “Is it cold?”

“A little,” Lilith confessed, no surprise to either of them. “My hair’s a mess.”

“That’s fine,” she soothed, and let her hand ski down Lilith’s hair, to cup the base of her neck. “Now, down to your neck. What do you feel there? Tension?”

“Tension, yes, and-”

** _Lilith…_ **

His hand found its place there, snaking around her neck and jerking her around — against the wall with a resounding thud that shook her bones, until she stood crooked, crooked and cracked — little teapot, short and stout, without a handle on reality. He loved to turn her blue. He loved to make her bleed.

“Lilith?” Zelda’s voice lilted anxious, though she kept still on Lilith’s neck. “What do you feel?”

Lilith’s muscles tensed to reach for her throat, but she held them back all the same. She kept her hands in her lap, her ankles tight beneath her, whole body tense…

“Tight,” she choked out, shuddering a breath. “Like I can’t breathe…”

Thumb playing over her throat, Zelda took a loud breath, a clear cue to Lilith — and she sighed it out. “It’s all right, love; I’m here with you. Nothing can hurt you.”

Lilith fully intended to believe that. She marked it on her heart to believe.

“What now?” she asked in a grimace, biting her lip.

Zelda’s hand was comfortable guidance, the only sensation in reality, pulling her home and tucking her in. She dove the slope of Lilith’s neck and started down her shoulders, a line smooth like whipping cream. “Your shoulders, and your arms. Tension there, too — let them relax…”

Huffing a sigh, Lilith muttered, “I can’t  _ relax _ , Zelda. This isn’t working.”

“Just be patient with yourself, love,” Zelda eased through her mouth like a rainbow cloth. Her voice lowered, with her hands, gliding down Lilith’s forearms and past her wrists — settling neatly in Lilith’s palms. “Down to your hands. What do you feel there?”

“Warmth,” Lilith remarked without thought, fixating on the heat radiating off Zelda, bouncing with her pulse — throbbing, jumping in her veins. Her blood ran faithfully, aching through her heart — blood, once upon a time, spilling everywhere, drenching her and gluing to her clothes — fountains of the stuff, ripped from her throat, violent and pungent and  _ warm,  _ so  ** _warm, and Lilītu, where are you?_ **

“I can’t,” she stammered at the sound of his voice, defeated and tempting to shake. “I can’t do it. I can’t-”

“Yes, you can, Lilith-”

** _What do you play at? What do you hide from me?_ **

“No, his voice is in my  _ head _ ,” Lilith insisted, hands drawing up, wrenching from Zelda’s to cover her ears. “He won’t  _ shut up _ , he won’t-”

** _Lilītu, Lilītu-_ **

“Lilith, listen to me,” Zelda pleaded, reaching up to cup over her hands, to draw them away from her head. “Listen to  _ my voice _ . It’s okay.”

“They won’t stop…” Sniffing, tears flooding her screwed-shut eyes, Lilith clawed at her ears. “He won’t…  _ stop _ , he’ll never  _ stop _ -”

_ Hail, Lilith of Aradia, Demon Queen,  _ came a voice from the darkness, a prayer in the night — definitively Zelda, in that familiar space at the very base of Lilith’s skull. She prayed to Lilith now, silently, sweetly.  _ You are safe. You are beloved. _

Then, from the far right, pounding in her ears, he came to her.  ** _Little rosy Lilītu, what’s there left to _ ** _ gut  _ ** _from you?_ **

“He won’t… leave me, I’m…”

_ I love you, Lilītu. You are  _ ** _safe_ ** _ . You are beloved. _

Lilith’s voice cracked at its edges, tears leaking from her eyes, chest shuddering with breaths. “Zelda…”

_ Hail, Lilith of Aradia- _

Zelda’s prayer broke off as Lilith dove blindly into her embrace, arms thrown around her neck and catching her close to her chest. Her head burrowed into Zelda’s shoulder, gone limp as she swiftly caught up with the hug — and her arms wrapped around Lilith, up under her back, steadying Lilith as she shook from physical and emotional exhaustion. Her voice silenced in Lilith’s head — they all did, the demons and the monsters and the angel in her arms, soothing her soft…

“I’m so tired…”

“I know. I know.”

“I can’t… keep living like this, wondering when he’s coming back, counting my blessings before they’re…  _ ripped  _ away from me-”

“Lilith,” whispered Zelda, kissing her ear. “Shh. This moment. We’re in  _ this  _ moment. Breathe in…”

Lilith forced a breath in, weight rolling over her as she did. Sleep begged her to come closer, to taste its edge, and she was almost drained enough to give in.

“And out.”

She exhaled. Her body sank into Zelda. Her eyes felt heavy.

“In… and out.”

_ In… and out. _

“In… and out.”

_ In… _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm back to this story! Not for long, though, as I do have a longer project in the plans right now -- but I may finish this first, we'll see. Anyway! I hope you all enjoyed this chapter! Let me know if you're still here and still enjoying this story <3


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